i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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