I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
