Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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