I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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