Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
