Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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