I'm really into asian looking animals
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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