So drunk its hurt
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
