I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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