she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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