the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
