no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
