You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
