i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
