So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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