I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
