Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
