Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
