Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my shit smells like andre
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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