Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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