I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
