i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
