One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize