My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
