Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
