She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
