It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Too much gin, very little bucket
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The air was thick with penises
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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