I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
