Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We left the knife in your bed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
