I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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