i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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