My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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