Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
