Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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