I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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