I want to make a zoo with you.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
