I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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