There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Holy sore nipples Batman
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
