we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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