If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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