hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
