I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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