omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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