booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
