is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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