her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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