girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
