how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
