wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize