just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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