So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
