my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize