i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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