Non-Jews are for practice
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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