If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
