i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
