Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize