he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
