Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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