Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
