very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
