peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
