i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
