do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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