Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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