we're chasing vodka with high fives
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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