just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
