did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
