Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize