Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
