Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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