I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
