She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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